Set

Warning! Much non-poker related stuff.

So, the title of this post was going to be "Nut", but that was just too painful to write about, so it's been a while....

But first, for those who care:

Bankroll status: 3.55M PSD, 1 USD (I'll use it, I'll use it...)

So this morning around 10:30 the doctors implanted three embryos into the PhantomWife's uterus.

PhantomAce, PhantomDeuce, PhantomTrey. Which is, in fertility terms, a set.

PhantomWife is currently taking it easy, hoping the new tenants are making themselves at home in a stress-free environment.

I'm currently avoiding housework, because I hate housework, but I'm going to have to get used to it.

This last week has been nervous for her, painful for me. On Monday she had her eggs harvested (no walk in the park, but she was under a general for it, and the pain was gone in a couple of days) and I had my left nut drilled looking for reluctant sperm.

They did that under a local anesthetic. But unfortunately, this was truly a PhantomAnesthetic, in that it didn't work.

At all.

The. Most. Painful. Thing. Ever.

I couldn't take a dump for a day and a half because the necessary muscle contractions sent hot daggers of pain through everything even remotely connected to my testicle.

It's amazing what is remotely attached to a testicle.

I'd planned to take Monday off. I took Tuesday as well, bacause breathing hurt my nuts. Walking felt like riding a bronking buck with the only point of contact being my wounded gonad.

On Wednesday it merely felt like I'd been kicked in the groin by a mule five minutes before, except every moment the clock re-set on the five minutes.

Thursday felt like the worst case of blue balls ever. (Women might not understand, but I'm still mad at you for what you did -- or didn't -- do back in your student apartment in Baltimre, Christine.) But this was probably a little worse.

Friday (yesterday) was the first day that holding still long enough would make the pain go away. I was still making a point of not laughing....

Today there is still discomfort. (Understand, Doc, that what I feel today is discomfort. What I felt Monday was "pain". When you asked if I was in discomfort I wanted to kick you in the head, needle in my balls be damned.)

And the fracked-up thing? They couldn't use any of the sperm from my specimin. We had to use back-up donor sperm. (I'm actually good with that. For 17 years I thought I wasn't producing anything at all. It took a biopsy -- during which the anaesthetic didn't work either, so I actually knew what I was in for on Monday -- to find out that my gonads were producing anything at all. So I was well-prepared to accept "Plan B". But in life, like poker, once in a while you have to play your drawing hands.)

Anyway, it's all worth it if we get a baby out of this. In fact, it will have been worth it regardless. (See again, playing your drawing hands.) Sometimes doing a worthwhile thing hurts at the time. The nice thing is, if it is worthwhile, it's easy to laugh at the pain afterwards.

So I've not been able to concentrate much on writing about anything this past week. I have played a little poker (and either well enough or with enough luck to considerably enhance my bankroll) and I've muddled-through at work, but really the week has been a holding pattern.

Now there's another holding pattern of sorts, as we wait the ten days before a blood test tells us whether we've been dealt a winning hand, with at least one of the cards dealt proving good. Wish us luck.